The Innermost Thoughts of a Broke College Student

 Today was not the best day. I had to go to the emergency room for lower abdominal pain, my mom's a nurse so she was worried it was appendicitis. I went in at 2 and stayed there until about 8 o'clock. It has been the longest day of my life, to be honest. I have really bad anxiety about all medical things so this was my own personal hell. I had to do multiple tests and such along with many injections for them. The whole time I was shaking like a chihuahua. Every time I met a new medical professional, they would always ask If I needed a blanket on top of all my other blankets. I think the scariest part was the C.A.T scan. The last time I had been to the emergency room was first grade, so it was pretty anxiety-inducing to be there as an adult. After multiple tests, they came to the conclusion that it wasn't appendicitis, but my PCOS. This has never happened before in the many years I have been diagnosed with this, but I guess I might have cysts now so that's great. After s...

 I don’t know what it is, but time seems to be moving so quickly. It feels like as each year goes by it speeds up even faster. I’m always afraid that I’m not enjoying the time I have being young, it feels like I’m already being weighed down by responsibility. I know that now is the least amount of responsibility I’ll ever have as an adult, but life already feels like a chore and not something enjoyable most times. I mean, it might just be the weather change, seasonal depression hits me very hard. But still, I had a ton of energy and motivation when this school year started, I told myself I’d make so many new friends, I’d be super involved with a club or even create a band, but now 8 weeks later I haven’t accomplished a single one of those things. I still want to do them, but it just feels impossible. School and work make it difficult to have motivation to actually do the things I enjoy. If I actually didn’t despise my job I started two months ago, maybe I’d be a little happier. I d...

 The documentary I chose to watch for my project was My Kid Could Paint That , It's about a 4-year-old girl who produced widely loved abstract paintings. The first painting she ever made was because her dad was painting and she wanted to paint with him, so he gave her a canvas and let her paint. They ended up hanging it in their house and their art friend complimented it and asked who the artist was, they laughed and said it was their daughters. The friend asked to hang it in a coffee shop and from then on her paintings spread like wildfire and within a year she became a famous abstract artist. I think a specific scene that got to me was when they watched the 60-minute show about their daughter's art that claimed that the paintings were fake, saying the dad who was an artist himself helped. This broke my heart because they began to receive threatening, disgusting emails about them as parents. They were just a normal, loving family. I think this may have also upset me because th...

 I'm gonna be honest, the only thing that has been keeping me going has been looking forward to Con Alt Delete in December. If you don't know what that is, It's a big anime convention that takes place every winter. This is my second time going to a big convention so I'm pretty excited since my last one in the summer was super fun. This time my friends and I are going to rent a hotel room and stay the whole weekend! I have also been working on my costumes, or cosplays, ever since last month. I'm going as my two favorite anime characters, Tohru from Miss Koboyashi's Dragon Maid and Nagatoro from Don't Toy With me Miss Nagatoro . So far, my Torhu cosplay is almost done except for some needed tailoring, but my Nagatoro one is still a work in progress. I've been trying to stay cost-effective with all of my smaller items pertaining to each costume but it's hard when a lot of the costume is very specific and hard to thrift. For the main bodysuit for the Na...