The Innermost Thoughts of a Broke College Student

I have a love-hate relationship for Christmas. When I was younger it was my favorite holiday, not only because of the gifts, but because I would get to spend time with my whole family. My mom's side would all gather on Christmas eve and open presents. This consisted of my aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandma, but back then we would always have gatherings like that so maybe I didn't appreciate it as much. My uncle would always buy me these big life-size stuffed animal dogs, which I loved, but on the other hand, my mother very much disliked them. I miss those times. When my mom's side of the family didn't all live in Texas. When my grandma was still alive. She was the one that kept us all connected. After her life ended, so did our family gatherings. On Christmas day my brother and I would open our parent's gifts and then head to my Dad's side's Christmas. This was at my grandparent's house, with my two uncles and grandparents. The energy was always so high

 Today was not the best day. I had to go to the emergency room for lower abdominal pain, my mom's a nurse so she was worried it was appendicitis. I went in at 2 and stayed there until about 8 o'clock. It has been the longest day of my life, to be honest. I have really bad anxiety about all medical things so this was my own personal hell. I had to do multiple tests and such along with many injections for them. The whole time I was shaking like a chihuahua. Every time I met a new medical professional, they would always ask If I needed a blanket on top of all my other blankets. I think the scariest part was the C.A.T scan. The last time I had been to the emergency room was first grade, so it was pretty anxiety-inducing to be there as an adult. After multiple tests, they came to the conclusion that it wasn't appendicitis, but my PCOS. This has never happened before in the many years I have been diagnosed with this, but I guess I might have cysts now so that's great. After s

 I don’t know what it is, but time seems to be moving so quickly. It feels like as each year goes by it speeds up even faster. I’m always afraid that I’m not enjoying the time I have being young, it feels like I’m already being weighed down by responsibility. I know that now is the least amount of responsibility I’ll ever have as an adult, but life already feels like a chore and not something enjoyable most times. I mean, it might just be the weather change, seasonal depression hits me very hard. But still, I had a ton of energy and motivation when this school year started, I told myself I’d make so many new friends, I’d be super involved with a club or even create a band, but now 8 weeks later I haven’t accomplished a single one of those things. I still want to do them, but it just feels impossible. School and work make it difficult to have motivation to actually do the things I enjoy. If I actually didn’t despise my job I started two months ago, maybe I’d be a little happier. I don’t

 The documentary I chose to watch for my project was My Kid Could Paint That , It's about a 4-year-old girl who produced widely loved abstract paintings. The first painting she ever made was because her dad was painting and she wanted to paint with him, so he gave her a canvas and let her paint. They ended up hanging it in their house and their art friend complimented it and asked who the artist was, they laughed and said it was their daughters. The friend asked to hang it in a coffee shop and from then on her paintings spread like wildfire and within a year she became a famous abstract artist. I think a specific scene that got to me was when they watched the 60-minute show about their daughter's art that claimed that the paintings were fake, saying the dad who was an artist himself helped. This broke my heart because they began to receive threatening, disgusting emails about them as parents. They were just a normal, loving family. I think this may have also upset me because th

 I'm gonna be honest, the only thing that has been keeping me going has been looking forward to Con Alt Delete in December. If you don't know what that is, It's a big anime convention that takes place every winter. This is my second time going to a big convention so I'm pretty excited since my last one in the summer was super fun. This time my friends and I are going to rent a hotel room and stay the whole weekend! I have also been working on my costumes, or cosplays, ever since last month. I'm going as my two favorite anime characters, Tohru from Miss Koboyashi's Dragon Maid and Nagatoro from Don't Toy With me Miss Nagatoro . So far, my Torhu cosplay is almost done except for some needed tailoring, but my Nagatoro one is still a work in progress. I've been trying to stay cost-effective with all of my smaller items pertaining to each costume but it's hard when a lot of the costume is very specific and hard to thrift. For the main bodysuit for the Na

      Recently I've wanted to be a part of a band, which now I realized after searching for one, is harder than I thought it would be. So, I've decided I'm going to make one myself! I'm planning on making poster and a sign this week to help more people sign up, and PNW is the perfect place to set up at a table! I've always loved the idea of being a part of a band, but never pursued the idea. I decided that since I'm in college now, I won't limit myself since this is a time of self-discovery and being young and having fun. I do play a little guitar and ukulele, but I'm not amazing at the guitar. I'm more into singing and writing songs, so that would be my role in the group, along with the advertising and leader. Since I want it to be a rock band, I'll have those who sign up an audition for pianist, guitarist, bass guitar, and drummer. I'm open to other instruments but those are the main positions that need to be filled. I hope I'm able to

      Today was a beautiful day, so me and Gabby decided to go to a local coffee shop and get some work done. When we arrived in the vicinity of the shop, we were met with a giant anti-masker protest. I haven't seen one in real life before, but so many feelings flooded my mind when I saw this scene. Not only was there not a spot to park for anyone who was actual customers, but none of them with masks. I felt a mix of fear and anger along with an overwhelming sense of frustration. Why? How did this happen? What happened to logic? I'm so scared for the future. A future where In my 30's still wearing a mask to work for the job I'm working towards now. A future where I send my kids off to school with mask. All because of these selfish, ignorant people. I tear up with frustration when I try to think of ways to change these people's minds, because there is no way to. No amount of logic or facts can change these people's minds and I think that's what scares me the